- Nobody's feet are
allowed on the furniture, but your dogs are welcome to sleep
on any piece they choose
- It takes an entirely
separate garbage can to handle the poop
- All kinds of things
around the house are in need of repair, but the injured dog
you rescued by the side of the road requires immediate surgery
and out comes the checkbook
- You and your family
haven't had your annual check up in two years, but the dogs
are all medically up to date
- You start barking
at your children to "Sit! Stay!"
- You're more concerned
with the dogs' needs than your own when the budget gets tight
- At least three of
your five weeks vacation are scheduled around grooming, vaccinations
and dental cleaning...all for the dogs!
- Dog crates double
as chairs and/or tables in your family room
- You can only remember
people by associating them with their dog
- Overnight guests
(who share your bed) are offended by having to sleep with you
and the dog(s)
- You snuggle closer
to the dog than the person with whom you are sleeping
- You decide to downsize
from a huge house in the city to an average country cottage
with lots of land in order to build the kennel of your dreams
- You spend more time
looking through mail order catalogues for dog supplies than
for Victoria's Secret nighties or Miles Kimball gadgets
- All your social
activities revolve around other dog people Your voice is recognized
by your vet's receptionist
- Everyone at the
office is eager to know if the dogs are all right because you
were late for the meeting
- The whereabouts
of all your important legal and personal documents escapes you,
yet you know precisely where to locate the file that includes
all the vet records, breed papers and registration
- Your trunk has an
emergency food kit for any strays you might come across
- The majority of
your charitable contributions go to animal organizations
- To win a precious
$.75 show ribbon, you think nothing to forking out hundreds
of dollars to board/pet sit the other dogs, pay for entry fees,
gas, accommodations and meals
- You no longer have
to buy extra large garbage bags, because the empty, 40 pound
dog food bags work just as well
- Complete strangers
call you on the phone to ask questions because they heard you
were a" dog person"
- Your mom calls and
asks how the granddogs are
- Every gift you ever
get has something to do with dogs
- Your cookie jar
has never seen the likes of people cookies
- You rip up the carpet
and lay tile to make clean up so much easier
- Your children (wife,
husband, etc.) complain that you always take more pictures of
the dog than you do of them
- While proudly showing
off your family album, your guest asks, "Isn't there anyone
else in your family besides the dog?"
- Any conversation
you're having is effortlessly directed back to the topic of
dogs
- Your first concern
when planning a vacation is whether or not the hotel will take
pets
- You politely bow
out of an important social engagement so you can attend a dog
show
- The number one priority
when buying a new house is the size and landscape of the backyard
- The only (or at
least first) forum you log onto is the animal forum
- You describe your
children as having temperaments rather than personalities
- The cost of boarding
your furkids equals that of your entire vacation
- Your dog decides
he doesn't like someone and you tend to agree
- All your non-dog
friends know to dress down when visiting your house
- Your friends know
which chair not to sit in
- First time visitors
wonder aloud: "Do you smell something?" and you really don't
- You become the family
dog kennel for all your relatives
- You don't think
twice about sitting on the floor because both the couch and
the chair are completely dog full
- Your desk proudly
displays your canine family
- All dates must pass
your dog's inspection
- The first question
you ask when on a date is: "So, do you like animals?"
- You buy a bigger
bed that will comfortably sleep six
- You break down and
buy another pillow so you can have one to sleep on
- More than half your
grocery money goes to dog food and treats
- You buy a mini-van
to give them all enough travel room
- Your carpeting matches
the color of your dog-purposely
- The thought of changing
a baby's diaper makes you swoon, but you can pick up dog poop
barehanded, if necessary, without batting an eye
- You send out especially-made
holiday cards that feature you and the dogs
- Your spouse issues
the ultimatum: "It's them or me!" and you have no problem pointing
out the suitcase
- You readily allow
your dogs to give you slobbery kisses, but you don't dare wipe
a toddler's nose
- Onlookers grimace
at the sight of you sharing your sandwich with your four-legged
pal, bite for bite
- Your dog has the
best birthday party over and above any kid in the entire neighborhood
- Your dogs eat only
the most nutritionally sound food, while your favorite meal
is mac'n cheese
- You've traced your
dog's family tree further than you have your own
- You're more familiar
with dog laws than you are with people laws
- You stagger your
dog magazine subscriptions to make sure you'll receive one every
week
- Your vet's office
number is the first one on your speed dial list, his home is
number two
- One of your vet
files is labeled "Other"
- Your vet takes a
few extra courses just to keep up with your breed's assorted
ailments
- Your file is the
only one that remains in the "IN" box at the vet's office
- Your file rivals
War And Peace
- You can't remember
family birthdays and anniversaries, but you can rattle off a
six generation pedigree with birthdates, health data and coat
colors at the drop of a hat
- You have *two* dog
doors between the house and the fenced yard, so the doggies
can run circles, half inside, half outside
- You rush to get
home from work in time to get some of what your spouse is fixing
for the dogs, since s/he doesn't cook for you
- You've just spent
$60 on groceries and realize none of it is for yourself
- Anyone can look
at your (pick all that apply) --- T-shirt - sweatshirt - coffee
mug - keychain - beach towel - cooking apron - couch throw -
tote bag - computer screen saver/wallpaper/mousepad/wristpad/monitor
frame - gift wrapping paper - photographic displays - calendars
- refrigerator magnets - weather vane - door mat - bumper stickers
- umbrella - Christmas sweater - socks - embroidery project
- child's collection of stuffed animals - sheets and bedspread
- checks - checkbook covers - throw pillows - Home Pages ---
and know immediately that you are a dog lover, AND probably
what particular breed you favor
- Your bedspread doesn't
have to coordinate with the bedroom, as it's always covered
with a sheet for the dogs, anyway. Ditto for the couches
- The family's eye
doctor is located in town, but the dog's ophthalmologist is
located a two-hour drive away
- Your medications
are available at the drug store down the block, but your dog's
medication has to be ordered from and shipped by a specialist
- It's easier to get
a hairdresser's appointment for yourself than it is to get one
for your dog
- Dog hair in food
is just another spice
- Your dogs have their
own Christmas card and gift list -- and they receive cards and
gifts in return
- Your dogs have their
own Christmas tree -- and it's so full of ornaments that they
need a larger one
- The part of your
will dealing with your dogs is longer than any other part
- The guardians of
your dogs will receive a larger amount of insurance policy money
than will all other members of your family, combined
- The instructions
to the dog kennel are longer than the instructions to the house
sitter
- Your personal library
is heavy on dog books -- and so is the library for which you
order books
- Your favorite month
is April - National Dog Appreciation Month!
- Your dogs have a
larger wardrobe of holiday-related bandanas than you do
- You hate to go to
the grocery store for people food, but when the dog treats are
gone, off you go with no hesitation, even at the busiest time
- You have three Home
Pages -- all of them dealing with your dogs, your friends' dogs,
your dogs' friends, etc.
- The most exciting
times on vacations, no matter where in the world you go, is
when you get to pet a dog (a "canine fix")
- Most of your vacation
pictures are of dogs around the world
- The largest display
of collectibles in the house is dog stuff -- plates, photos,
cards, etc.
- Kiss your dog more
than 10 times per greeting
- Introduce your dog
to the photographer and ask would you like to kiss fido also
- Cut your vacations
to 3 day weekends only
- Call long distance
and talk with your dog
- Order 250 Xmas photos
of just the dog, no family in photos
- Order 5x7 photos
of the kids and order 16 x20 of SPOT
- Your Mother's Day
(birthday, anniversary, etc.) present is a puppy
- The only time you
use your camper is for dog shows
- The part of the
backyard you finish first is the dog run
- You spend more time
on the computer dealing with "dog stuff" than "other stuff"
- Your "Welcome" sign
has a dog on it
- Your e-mail address
is your kennel name
- You have a kiddy
wading pool in the yard, but no small children
- Lintwheels are on
your shopping list every week
- You have baby gates
permanently installed at strategic places around the house,
but no babies
- The trash can is
more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep
the dog out of it while you're at work.
- You can't see out
the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints
all over the inside
- Poop has become
a source of conversation for you and your significant other
- Your dog sleeps
with you
- You have 32 different
names for your dog. Most make no sense, but the dog understands
them all
- You like people
who like your dog. You despise people who don't
- You carry dog biscuits
in your purse or pocket at all times
- You talk about your
dog the way other people talk about their kid
- You put an extra
blanket on the bed so your dog is more comfortable
Author Unknown
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